RANDOM FIXATION - BANDS

SIMON – LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR FACE

I’ve always been attracted to older men. I see young girls today going all “fangirl” on the Justin Beibers of the world and to be honest – I just don’t get it. At 8 years old I had dreams of holding hands with Scott Baio, 12 years my senior. At 10 years old I had dreams of making out with Tom Cruise (I know – don’t say it), 10 years my senior. And at 12 years old to present day, I’ve had dreams of getting down and dirty with DD’s front man Simon (most recently Robert Pattinson –but I’ll save that blog for a future NSFW posting).

I think my fixation on older men is warranted. Some guys just get better with age, agreed? Have you seen Ben Affleck in “The Town”? Daniel Craig as “Bond”? Hugh Jackman in just about anything?? These men REEK of sex so badly that it sends my lady parts into overdrive! Of course I can’t confirm any of these guys haven’t had some “work” done… but if they have – someone has done a damn good job. They look GOOD for their age. They have wrinkles where wrinkles should be. It’s appealing. It’s sexy. And it suits them.

Now Simon. You know I love you. You grabbed my hand and gently squeezed while gazing deep into my eyes at the Barrymore Theatre in November 2007. It was a special moment for me and I know you felt it too. But Simon my love – we need to talk about your face. Something strange is going on above the shoulders and to be frank, I just don’t like it. It’s starting to affect our relationship and that makes me sad. Whoever advised you that a little nip and tuck would be great well… they lied. Please get a second opinion. You’re quickly going from boy next door to Kenny Rogersville and what you need to do it talk to George Clooney. You see George knows how to play the game. No one WANTS to get old (I’m filling out an application for Extreme Makeover as I type!), but Mr. Clooney knows how NOT to look like a freak. A little snip here, a little tuck there – it’s all done in good time. It’s not meant to be OBVIOUS and Simon, what you’re doing is TOTALLY obvious. It’s scary. It’s shocking. And it doesn’t look good.

Simon – again. I love you. And I really want our relationship to work so please hear me out. STOP. Let the powers that be age your body gracefully and when it’s time for an upgrade – call me. Let’s chat. I know you want to.