WHY MEN CAN’T MAN UP
Let me first put out this disclaimer – I’m not the most experienced woman in the world when it comes to men. I’ve never married, I have no children, and my longest committed relationship lasted no more than a year and – err… a half. But I’ve dated A LOT - and looking back I know I’ve been fucked over by more than my fair share of guys. Am I stupid? No. Naïve? No. Maybe. Am I bitter? Hell yeah! I think all girls have been there at some point in their lives. You meet someone you fancy, you think they like you back, you fall hard, then after much pain and heartbreak you realize the guy was never really into you (insert “it’s not you, it’s me”…), had a wife or girlfriend(s), was gay, or was a complete all-round fucking jerk that everyone warned you about but you went for anyway (i.e. John Mayer – not that I’ve been with him but so I’ve heard).
I admit I’ve learned my lesson. At 38 years old - I’m pretty picky about my friendships with men and whom I choose to go out with. Roughly translated - it means I’m a crusty thirty-something bitch who doesn’t date much, drinks far too much wine, and who reads Twilight fan fiction in her spare time. Not that any of this is BAD – I think I’m a great girl who has her shit together – it’s just how I roll. And I know my friends love me for it.
So what got me thinking about the loser men I’ve been with and the many levels of heartache that went with said loser men was my co-worker whom I’ll affectionately call “G”. I wouldn’t want to reveal his REAL name, but let’s just say it rhymes with “Chord”. HA! So “G” is a royal fucker over of women, and a man who just can’t “MAN UP’ and tell a woman straight to her face how he honestly feels. “G” is a nice looking dude in his mid-thirties - smart, successful, and by most standards a pretty decent guy. But “G” dates a new girl each week – most are young (I’m hoping over 18 but you never know – groan), cute, and kind of dumb to be brutally honest. He’s up front with everyone but the girl of the week what his true feelings are – that she’s there for sex and to be there for him until he can find a replacement… yet at the same time he says he can’t wait to settle down. Seriously? I mean, what’s the deal? Why can’t a man just MAN UP and tell someone how they really feel from the get go? Honesty does not make you a fucktard. Being an asshole does.
Is the inability of a man to not MAN UP a disease? Is it innate? Or is it something a guy is taught in some secret boy school that we’re not aware of? Certainly science can cure this. One can pop Viagra to get one head going, can’t they do something about the other end? Could we offer a course at school like say, communication 101 for boys? Have them apply for a Puberty Permit? Offer an “Honesty Incentive” on your tax return? Geez – what’s the big deal? Why is this so hard?
So yes - back to “G”. I met said co-worker one day with the flavor of the week. Random hellos, how are you - no big deal. The next day at work he drops by my office and our conversation went something like this:
Me – Hey G, sorry but I forgot your girlfriend’s name. She seems sweet.
G – (snorts) “Girlfriend” is kind of a loose term.
Me – Oh – well you were smiling and laughing and holding hands. I only assumed…
G – (laughs) She’s a nice girl but she’s young so you know (shrugs)…
Me – Um… no. I don’t know. What’s the deal?
G – Well she’ll do for now.
Do for now. Seriously fucker? Really, I shouldn’t care but the crusty thirty-something bitch in me starts to rear her ugly head. I’ve been there. I’ve been THAT girl. It honestly pains me on her behalf but alas, I’m too polite to unleash crusty inner bitch on the dude while at work and oh yeah, my boss is right next door. I have to at least try and be somewhat professional.
Fast-forward two weeks. I meet “G” walking his dog the local off-leash park, and yes walking with yet another young gal. Not hand holding mind you, but I can SEE the tell tale look in her eye as she gazes over at him while strolling along the pathway. Seriously. It’s obvious. If I could describe it in song, Debbie Boon would be belting out “You Light Up My Life” in the background. Ugh. So here we go. Next day at work I run into “G” and our conversation goes something like this:
Me – So, new girl?
G – HA! No. Did you see the physique on her?
Me – Uh, sorry?
G – Well she’s a bit chunky. Not my thing.
Me – She’s really pretty.
G – Yeah she’s alright I guess.
Me – So why are you hanging out with her if you don’t like her?
G – Well she won’t stop texting me.
Me – So how did she get your number? Stalker?
G – No - I gave it to her.
Me - Why?
G – Well she asked for it. But she’ll get the hint that I’m not interested.
Yes. Because giving your cell number to a girl that’s obviously interested in you is the SURE way to send that kind of message. OMFG! Seriously? Can you not just say right up front that you’re not looking for anything romantic? How about wording something (hell - LIE if you have to!) so as not to lead someone on? Why do men feel the need to play this game? Tell them you’re not into it, you have a girlfriend back East – DO SOMETHING but don’t pull a girl’s chain because – dude – it’s just not cool. It really needs to stop. And if you’re some gal reading this who thinks a guy is just playing hard to get then STOP. Trust me. If he wants you – you’ll know it. They will MAKE the effort. Listen to your friends before your heart because sadly, sometimes that’s the only way. And if you’re a guy reading this blog who leads a girl on just because it’s how it is – then fuck you. Strap on the balls and MAN UP. I’m taking a stand against the random fuckery of women and rallying for the straight up truth. It’s time.
LADY ELAINE
No comments:
Post a Comment